Here are TWO awesome reviews, for the Bunnings app. I also like that the spleen vented gives a fairly telling review of their customer service in store. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to get retail customer service right, but their competitors are not much better. Is it impossible to find people who know where the duct tape, quick lime and big plastic sheets are? I mean I ask you?!

I digress.

Okay to the actual review. I LOVE that reviewer number one has posted their name as Bunningslover (this may explain the oblique reference to semen - it’s unclear at this point). I also love that he/she carried it as a bitter pill until the app came out and BLAMMO! INTERNET JUSTICE FOR ALL!

Review no2 features my favourite kind of app review snark, and warms the cockles of my cold dead robot heart.

DOUBLE 5 STAR REVIEW for these 1 star reviews. (Yo dawg etc…)

This comes via the awesome internet jazz maverick web developer Keith Pitt also head nod to the awesome on a pogostick that is Warren Seen for bringing this to my attention.

We’re doing this now are we? Good god. I hope Joanne found this romantic 1 star review and they fell immediately in love. How does an “ok” game get one star. I bet the developer just loved that one. This review was of Kapowie by Bjango. (These are the same people who make the super handy Consume one of my most used and favourite apps.

Stunning work Buffboym3 you are our species greatest hope.

With thanks to Leo for submitting this one.

These are reviews of the excellent Instapaper. Take your pick. It’s staggeringly simple to setup - just put in your username and password. *face palm*

With thanks to Stephen Ou for sharing this bit of PEBAK joy.

OMG! WE WERE TOTALLY MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! NO WAI THIS APP IS ACCURATE :( :( :(

This app review was for Mood Finger, submitted by the awesome Alan Zeino (As an aside, like this angsty teenage reviewer, hello I think I love user submissions - I just remembered to check my email for this site and it’s full of gold! Will post more in a sec!).

This review is for Expenditure. 

I have a few theories about reviews like this. Is it the work of the owner of a competing product? Or are they JUST THE STINGIEST GODDAMN PEOPLE ON THE PLANET? God lord, it costs $2.49 (on the Aussie app store) if it doesn’t work, buy something else.

It’s been blogged elsewhere, but fail to see how these people get through life without having an aneurysm everytime they have to pay for a coffee.

“$2.50 for a coffee?” *SPLURTS OUT COFFEE IN FACE OF BARISTA* “No thanks good sir! And I’ll tell my imaginary internet friends not to shop here also! That’ll learn you!

The sense of entitlement is staggering.

Most epic review title ever. You know you’ve done something right with your life when you’re having a boss battle with Satan.

5 Star Review.

Review is for 100 Rogues (which is free on iTunes store for iPad and iPhone today btw).

This review is for World of Goo.

I will find this person. I will hunt them down and I will do unspeakable things to them. I’m angry and a little bit upset this evening.

Zero stars to you Dan Whelan. Zero stars.

Sometimes when I don’t know if I’m going to buy an app I have a look at the comments and I know straight away if it’s worth buying. Other times, not so much.

These two lonely reviews are for Guerrilla Bob.

Review is for Bowls - Authentic Tibetan Singing Bowls.

Exactly how exactly do we verify the the claim of Authentic?

I digress.

I THINK BOZ SCRAG IS TALKING ABOUT MARIJUANA?

“I can only use the flute, the gong and the monk.”

Me too Rivergum, me too.

I also quite like review 5 - Experienced meditator isn’t going to take this shit lying down. Unless of course that’s the way he meditates. If in which case, yes he will take it lying down.

Review is for Meditator Meditation Timer.